Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Redifining Beauty?

This August I had the pleasure of having my four year old niece Lexi over for a sleepover. You can learn a lot from a four year old.
While she was getting dressed that morning she says; "I have a cute bum." "I have a cute belly."

"Who told you that?" I asked her.

"I just knowed."

Miss Lexi Lou

When relaying this to my 91 year old Grandmother a few weeks ago, she said; "Well someone must have told her that."

It got me thinking. Maybe someone did tell Lexi she has a cute bum or belly but she owns it. She declares it is true. I think we are born knowing what the best parts of us are. We LEARN what others think are the worst or less desirable parts of us are. Then we own it and declare it as true. We forget we ever knew what the best parts of us are.

It's a fact that babies are drawn to beautiful things. Why do you think they love necklaces and hair so much? They also don't know it's not polite to stare yet, so if you catch a baby staring at you, it's because they think you are beautiful. You know whom thinks I'm beautiful? My nephew Thomas.
Down the line we then have to RELEARN what our best parts are. Learn what they are by our definition and not anyone else's. I have been trying to learn this for a few years. The journey started with photos taken by Julia Busato. I wanted to love the body I was in, realizing that my body would never be the same was it was in that moment.

Beautiful right? And can you believe that I thought I was fat then? That's kinda screwed up. I wish I was still that size. At the moment I weigh more than I ever have and I'm not proud of it. But I also know how I got there and not all of it was in my control, depression will kill the love you have for your body, it will make you just not care. It will make you turn to comfort food in excess. It will make you eat to fill holes that are not satisfied by food but you need an instant fix and one cookie turns to 6 and you still feel empty.

Now that I am feeling better and being treated I can take action. I'm seeing a dietician in two weeks and I can't wait. And it's not about weight loss. It's about loving this body that GOD has given me right now. When you love your body, you want to take care of it, put good things in it, move it about to keep your heart healthy. That means drinking half my body weight in oz, taking the stairs at work, at least 150mins of exercise a week, wearing clothes that bring me joy and not just cause they fit, enjoying chips on Friday nights ONLY, lots of fruits and vegetables and allowing myself a cookie or two once in a while without feeling guilty and only eating if I'm hungry. And I bet the weight follows.

In the mean time I have to define the beautiful parts of my body for myself. No one has to tell me I have pretty eyes or sexy legs or a f***ing fantastic rack, I just knowed.